more on friends

Like what Sarah commented, one would trust their best friend to share everything with them. To those who have these kind of best friend, i envy them. To have friends like that doesn't seem impossible but to me it somehow does.

Often, we're too busy with our own life, with our own things to go out and catch up with our friends. even most is just the usual 'hi, how are you lately?', ' i'm fine thank you', 'ok, glad to hear that' or another version, 'hi, how are you?, 'i'm not fine thank you', 'why? whats bothering you?', 'nah, its nothing'. and the conversation usually ends there. why? coz' when others don't want to open up, we can't force them to. in other words, 'ok, since he/she doesn't want to talk, then might as well leave her alone'.




i'm blank now........i tend to post what i feel and what i'm able to capture in my mind. the longer i think of what to write, i'll go blank, like now. Do you think i'm rash to do this?...anyway, will see what i can add to this entry post in coming time. Do comment if you have any. =)

Don't start

you know what i'm good at? i'm good at making stupid mistakes. especially small stupid little mistakes that shouldn't be made. In my exam, in my daily life. with my 'couldn't be bothered' attitude, it serves me right i guessss. what the heck, if i can't even handle, avoid these small things how can people trust me? to see their disappointed face........how can i.....useless...idiotic......ugh!..... often, i'm not angry at others but myself.........messing up my life.......................

Don't bother commenting.............

Friends, Best Friends

Friends.....this word seems so unreal to me, I don't know how to put the right word into what i think about it. Everybody have their own set of friends, I too have friends whom I talk to at times but the odds seems to be heavier on the ''loner'' side. Some of you might say, 'You a loner?' well yeah, believe me, I'm an introvert who is picky with my friends or who I want to talk with.

Lets move on, friends, you can call anyone your friend but what about best friends?closest friend? I'm a person who take friendship as something which is not to play with,I'm sure you readers out there too treasure your friendships. To me, calling a friend my best friend,thats something which must be earned, and to be crushed by your best friend, well I'm not going deeper into that part. Back to what I was saying, its not like just because you have alot in common with that person and you get along well thats why he/she is your best friend. You get along well doesn't mean that person is trustable. Somehow I find it hard to trust people nowadays, I find it hard to trust anyone.

Usually when you're troubled, you seek your best/close friends to talk to right, as they are the person you trust the most. I observe, I listen. People around me whom i know, to see them act, react, respond, and see them having problems of their own, I just can't seem to talk.......Ok, maybe part of it is just me and my attitude problem.Part of it is the trust but part of it is also that I don't want to burden people with anymore thoughts and problems which are not theirs, which is why I can't talk.

Ok, back to my original question, I'm just curious, how do you consider one your best friend/close friend? Let me put it this way, when some one ask you who is your best friend, and you reply ''_____'', why or what made you say him/her as your best friend?

I'm just hoping that you readers can give me some feedback on what do you think. Thanks

Ramble ramble

I think I’ve been missing for quite some time now. Trials is finally over which could only mean SPM is getting nearer! Well then, now trials is over what can I blog about?..hmm..i’ll jus ramble around then.

I enjoyed working out / stressing up my body the day after trials ended. Didn’t felt that satisfactory of the aching of my body for such a long time. Note: No, I don’t enjoy hurting myself. I just enjoy exercising. Anyway, on Saturday morning, went jogging at the normal route and then straight away go for badminton at the club for 2 hours. Syok I tell you. After that, went for steam bath. Relax relax hehe . Met some old primary school mate, joined them for sauna but immediately regretted. Coz’ I felt so out of place. The things they talk about…awkward. You see, among the primary school mate i’m with, I was the only one studying in Subang where as they all are in Kota Kemuning school. So, they were like talking about their soon to come prom night and who asked who out etc. I was like ‘ok, this is weirdly boring/ childish.’ Mayb coz’ I wasn’t part of it….xD…Luckily my sis came to the rescue. haha Anyway, dad fetch us home and gosh, my body was so exhausted that I fell into a deep sleep but woke up soon after to go Subang Parade.

At Parade, I pulled ( not literally) my dad into the World of Sports, wanted to get a new running shoe as it was sales time and a lot of Mizuno products are on sales. Anyway, I got a new running shoe which cost like RM240 but with 50% off *yay!*. My dad bought 3 Mizuno shirt, sis got a jacket, I got a shirt and a pants all at the 70% off corner. All in all, everything including the shoe, added up to only cost about RM250 which is RM10 more than the original shoe price * big smiles*

* My new Mizuno Wave Aura*

Then we rushed back and quickly rush to BCM ( Bible College Malaysia) as we’re suppose to have our Youth and Adult challenge and later witness a water baptism. Guess what, we lost to the adults this year again, but we were better than last year *smiles* coz we won captain ball ( by one point) out of the frissbee and oestrogen soccer game, which was only the girls can score. It was close coming to a tie though. We will now train soccer! Won’t we girls * winks* haha. Hopefully next year, it won’t end up like our frissbee. Haha. All the training but we still lost to the adults like a lot of points, malu malu.

We had a great fellowship eating dinner together. Forgot to take the pictures of the food though =/ but in a way its good not to have pictures of food too right? Can spare you guys from drooling while reading..hahaha… Soon after, we had praise and worship and a short service before 5 of our dear brother and sisters were baptize in water. *clap clap clap*

Oh did i mention it was raining during our Adult-Youth challenge?...yup, the field was muddy and wet.

*CNS posing after the soccer game*

*Our free mud leg wrap..haha*

Ohh.. I got another new pet! Thanks to uncle Daniel, I got a new fighting fish..hehe

* The blue one is my sister's*

* This fiery red one is mine*

Thats it for now...toodles ;)

Kindness and Love, I will hold on

Was surfing the net, reading blogs, wondering how’s life for others. Then, I came across a friend post, ‘You do me! I do you!’. Seems close to home, so I read on and later came to realize, I’m somewhat like that too. Or should I put it her way of saying ‘justifying my anger’. I don’t know about you guys but I am guilty of being like that, whenever I feel its unfair on my side, I will want to justify it by various ways(obviously not the going to jail type of various ways) and I guess this has cost me a lot.

When she wrote about the church camp message, showing kindness to others, I felt convicted too as it is written :

“Kindness is literally love in action, showing genuine friendship to others by regarding them as important in God’s sight and worthy of dignity and respect. It involves treating others with courtesy, lending encouragement and freely offering yourself or your resources to help a person in need with no strings attached!”

I guess I’m convicted of my own guilt that I ‘choose’ to show kindness at times. How selfish of me, I did learn my lesson in one way or another and I’m sure there are more to learn. Hey, we do stumble right? The most important thing is that we learn from it and I want to change to a better me for the people around me. Only with God’s grace I will be able to do it.

Even though things did not turn out as I thought it would, I will not give up. I will continue to try mending this friendship up. I’ll do it small steps at a time. And I do pray that you will not let it stay and eat you up from the inside like how it did to me but I’ve learned to ‘overcome’ it with the grace of God. And whatever I did wrong previously, I truly am sorry and I forgive you. Continue to ignore me if you want but I will (try) not ignore you.

p.s : If this ever come across your mind, please do know that I’m not trying to get sympathy or what-so-ever from the readers here. Other method doesn’t seem to get respond and I do not know whether it reached you. So I’m openly saying sorry to show that I still treasure this friendship.

Your identity is safe with me, hope that all is well with you and I love you . =)

I'm sorry ( edited)

When people say girls are rather sensitive or maybe overly sensitive….Can’t help but agree I think I am one of them. Different people have different things they are extra sensitive at. As a matter of fact, I know guys too have they sensitive side. When it comes to something we take it really serious and end up being broken up etc, you can’t expect us to forgive just in one day. Maybe some of you can but I can’t especially when its matters to do with the heart.

I’m not writing this to complain about being sensitive/overly sensitive etc. I’m writing this to this special someone, I’m sorry for whatever I’ve done that have hurt you, the way I respond or should I say did not respond. I’m sure both sides have been hurt deeply in different ways and yes, it took me long enough to get over it. And now I realize that I don’t want to lose our friendship, I don’t want to lose a friend as dear as you. Our conversations might not be the same as before but I just hope that you do not ignore me and to say how I regretted that I did somewhat ignore you. I’m sorry. Truly I am sorry…

(edit)..Now, it seems that my dear friend doesn't want to forgive me, what should i do then? Obviously it hurts to know when that someone doesnt want to accept our apologies even when we actually try to apologize. Haih......I really hope that my dear friend would actually try to talk to resolve things,talk it out to settle it and not keeping everything in....................................................................... heart broken................................................................................................................. :'(

Randomz

Hi people, sad to say but i won't be blogging very frequently anytime soon...its not like i blog frequently also.........anyway yeah trials coming soon, well actually it started. I sat my first paper on the first day which was my Chinese paper. Anyway the main paper will start on Monday.

Why do i push myself to study at times? and end up skipping certain things which used to be very important to me....well i want to try my best to excel in my studies, i mean who doesn't. And before you get the wrong idea, no i'm not ignoring God or putting Him aside because of my exam k..please.... So why i want to excel? well, to try to get a scholarship so that my parents wont' be burdened so much when i want to further my studies like next year. O.o

Anyways, these few days i enjoy playing my piano. I don't mean that i don't enjoy playing but usually i seldom play but these few days i look forward to playing the piano. Maybe i just find it destressing playing the piano, or the beautiful notes and tunes of the piano calms me or when i play i just feel so free and relaxed. Something that i never actually felt before.

Its so cold, its been raining like non stop. Its so cold that i don't have to on the fan and my hair stands from the coldness in the air. Maybe its just me coz' my cold receptors super sensitive. My hands and feets get cold easily or should i say they are always colder than others. Don't know why but yeah. I'm used to hearing people say ''why you so cold wan?'' and I'll reply ''don't know, I'm just cold blooded''..... No la, actually not many people noticed how cold my hands and feet are usually. Anyway, why should they notice.haha..

I'm just doing some random talking. Brain freezing here, I think i'd go get a hot chocolate drink..Mmm...then maybe i'll study for awhile or read.

Stay healthy people! God bless

__xoxoxo__