Interesting fact by Dr. Kevin Leman

Our birth orders in our family consequently impact our attitudes.

This is an interesting article that I read not too long ago that want to share with you readers coz' i found it quite true to me. Enjoy reading. =)

First Born

Positive traits: natural leaders; are competent; display responsible behaviour; comfortable socialising with adults from an early age; high achievers; frequently live with a sense of entitlement and even superiority; strive to protect and help others;tendency towards conformity

Negative traits: demonstrate perfectionist qualities by putting pressure on themselves to succeed; often moody; occasionally lack sensitivity; intimidating, particularly in pushing people too hard or refusing to take no for an answer; known to be authoritarian or bossy

Needs: Authority approval

Suggestion: First born children have to know that it is okay for them to fail sometimes. They need to be aware that it is okay that they are not the best all of the time so long as they have tried their very best and that their significant authority figures (parents/teachers) would still love them

Second Child / Middle Child

Positive traits: independent and competitive with the oldest sibling, especially in small families; tendency to develop their own persona away from the family to
develop abilities not found in the elder siblings; may tend to be a people-pleaser and usually hate confrontations; very calm, down-to-earth; can adapt to changes and acquire very good social skills; great listeners; good mediators and negotiators

Negative traits: may feel uncertain of self and own abilities if the elder child is successful, feel "squeezed" when a younger child is born; seldom getting parents undivided attention, may lean towards rebellions; difficulty in setting boundaries; not good at making decisions that would offend others; tend to blame themselves when others fail

Needs: Sense of belonging

Suggestion: Try to include second born children in all activities. They are likely to be motivated by a cause and enjoy working with people because that would give them a sense of belonging.

Youngest Child

Positive traits: creative, unconventional; charming and adaptable; strong people skills; love to entertain and talk to others; make friends easily; an extrovert; energized by the presence of other people; display the highest developed levels of emotional intelligence; not afraid to take risks; may behave like only child

Negative traits: cannot accept to be “dethroned”, used to always getting their way, tend to get bored quickly; strong fear of rejections; short attention span; self-centred; tend to have unrealistic expectations, expect others to do things, make decisions, and take responsibility;
feeling disadvantaged in being the smallest and weakest, develop feelings of inferiority or become "speeder" to catch up with older siblings

Needs: Need attention for their efforts

Suggestion: Last born children may have babyish qualities, such as excessive tattling, crying, or whining. It is important that you must not get annoyed with these habits but give them some extra tasks to make them feel helpful and allow them to become more mature. They will often do anything to be noticed, so ensure you appreciate their efforts.


Only Child

Positive traits: always the centre of attention, they often enjoy this position as it makes them feel special; can be very matured intellectually; task-oriented; extremely well-organized; highly conscientious; dependable; feels extremely comfortable with responsibility

Negative traits: feel unfairly treated when not getting their own way; may refuse to cooperate; can be selfcentred; tough to handle; may play "divide and conquer" to get own way; missing out on the social skills learned through sibling interaction, may find it difficult to share or
compromise; can be very demanding; hate to admit they are wrong; do not accept criticisms well

Needs: Recognition

Suggestion: It is necessary for the only child to be aware that you know how hard he/she is trying and how hard he/ she is doing. This reassures the child that he/she is living up to your standards and boosts his/her overall confidence.


Interesting? Let me know your feedback =)

Confession of a child's heart

These statements apply to me...and maybe some of you out there:

I want my family support no matter what I am going through.

I wish I can confide in my parents in every issues and problems I face in life.

Sadly this is not true. Why do I say so...

Well, firstly its through the 19 years living with my parents that I know how they will react to certain topics or things that I mentioned.

I will always use my relationship for example. Coz up till now, I don't know how to approach you to tell you about my relationship. From my past experience of you lecturing me and giving negative replies about me in a relationship, I don't know how to talk to you about it. For goodness sake, I'm turning 20 in one day time...when I don't tell you about my relationship and you found it out from others, you blame me for hiding it from you and start bringing everything up to me. E.g: Studies, past..

I know studies is important and I do realise that my degree cost a big sum and burden to the family finance but I am not stupid enough to get a relationship and throw my degree away. So by threatening me to stop studying and go out to work and just get married is quite discouraging and saddening and heart breaking for a child to hear from their own parents. If you're going to talk to me like that everytime(which you do for what I've observed) You will notice I have stop or seldom talk to you or tell you things.

Who is to blame then? Me for not being a responsible child for not informing things to you? You personally said this to me ''Don't you think its your responsibility to talk to us and tell us things?'' Yes it is my responsibility to inform you and tell you but don't you think you too have to talk to us in a nicer tone? and way? Certain things you say will put us off. Being angry will make me turn away coz I am afraid I admit, I am afraid of you when you get angry coz' you are my parents and you have the say to kick me out of the family if i cross the line. I respect you but i yearn for the courage and freedom to talk to you and share with you.

I hate it when I tell you things and you react, which causes both parties to not be happy.

You always ask me to analyze and think critically. I am trying to. I really am but my brain don't think like you do, I'm still young and learning and growing. Everybody is different. yes you've gone through alot and you definately know more than me which is why you advice me not to do this or that. But don't restrict me coz i'll dislike it more. Walk through things with me, this is what I am asking for.

You told me to start a blog, start reading, cultivate these habits. I don't mind telling you about my blog. I don't mind at all but I dislike the fact that you will question things about what I write. YES I KNOW that in life people will question you ,and i must learn to answer those questions...you tell me this all the time, but this is MY blog and this is how and what I express on. How would you react by reading this post? Honestly I don't know.

How am I to tell you things when you react by restricting me before I can further explain myself

Sometimes parents just need to learn to listen and put their ego aside. I too have my own ego, I too am sensitive which is why I cry. When Things are not resolved between parents and daughter, I'll turn to my partner. You give me love which i appreciate, he gives me a different kind of love and support. thus when I can't talk to you, I turn to him..when you are demanding i keep quiet coz answering your questions will bring more questions..Don't make me build thicker walls coz I hate to do so.

I want to prove to you that I want this degree for myself and my future, not to make you happy. I know you're keeping quiet now to see how I score for my first semester. But I am not perfect. If i dont do WELL, the whole cycle starts again.

Arrgghhh! NOTE TO SELF: STOP PUTTING UNNECESSARY STRESS UNTO SELF!!!!!

exclaimer: don't take it too personally.