What a week

So, like i mentioned in my previous entry, today was the day that we have the opportunity to raise money for our senior page. Before we can sell anything, we went shopping!!! haha.

*12 of us went shopping. Doubt you can see their faces, they are the circled ones including me! can you spot carmille?haha..Anyway this is our class photo too, 42 of us total =D*

*So off we go, walk walk walk, shop shop shop*

*after shopping...Eu-Tjin aka ketua tingkatan, aka kuli (pushing trolley) haha*

* Went food court eat lunch...no idea what Eu- Tjin is doing*

Why the 3 pics only have those 3 people, its coz' the rest of the gang were goofing around, attracting attention somewhere in the building.away from us.haha.

So yeah, we bought our stuff, ate lunch at the food court like hungry pirana's coz' everyone was so hungry. Soon after, some had to leave for tuition where as i went to my friend house, her dad was so kind to fetch us back to her house and we worked together and slice the french loaves and cheese.

Enough about yesterday's shopping spree, today our buchetta was not as ''wanted'' as on Monday. Why? Its not because it tasted horrible (it still taste delicious k.) its because there were like 20 plus stalls which are selling so many other interesting stuff.

*asam laksa * ice-cream *cupcakes *herbal eggs *sausages *spaghetti

*chee cheong fan* *sushi *jumble sales *raw vegetables *lots of different drinks

To actually see students selling raw vegetables, it was literally like a market plus everyone was screaming and promoting their goods. Crazy i tell you. So the whole day i was standing there from 8.30 to 12.30pm, no classes, teacher can't teach as 3/4 of the class was down stairs helping out or should i say kehpo-ing. xD

I won't say this week was a waste of time as i did not actually study much but i had a wonderful time with my classmates eventhough there were moody times as we were stressing out but really Thank God for my friends, for the things they indirectly taught me. Somehow i think it has brought us closer as a family as one class eventhough there were some who were not so ''participative''. All in all, this year is my last year in high school and so many things had happen which are worth remembering.

Oh!!and i noticed something. I'm not being racist here but standing behind the counter selling the buchetta's, i can't help but notice chinese are much much more demanding and picky, they somehow must say '' I don't want that one, i want this one.''. -_-" whereas malays are not so picky and they are ok with whichever buchetta u pick for them. Which is why chinese are so 'kia su'. Agree? hahaha

Science ''fun'' day out?

Today i went to school feeling tired but i just dismissed the thought of feeling tired and weak coz' i know that the feeling will just go away once class started. Surprisingly i couldn't get rid of the tiredness as i was yawning all the way the whole day and i was kinda moody and after recess, i was having a slight headache. Tired girl becomes and angry girl. haha.. anyway i was being straightforward than usual so my friends were like ''why are you so fierce'', i was like''got meh? its the truth what.'' Some keep asking me''why so emo'' but i just dismissed their questions. All in all, i do feel bad for in a way snapping at some of my friends but then its just me, when i'm moody, i rather not talk. I know i know, bad habit and i have tried my best to snap less at people so its a good start =D.

Anyway, today was also a science day, there were science activities going on in the science lab and badminton court. Some pretty cool experiments and science riddles to be solved. Even with my headache, i had fun messing around with the experiments and i finally found out what my blood group is.haha. I don't know whether that experiment accurate anot la but better than not knowing what blood group i am.

Went back to class late as i was having fun with the experiments, found out i had a few homework to do and they super last minute only announced that this thursday, as a class, they want to sell food and drinks to raise class funds to pay for our senior page. They are planning to sell buchetta, hotdog, ice-cream and frizzy longan. Honestly i was very moody as they were so last minute in informing people so i just kept my straight face and silent stare. Haih, for raising money for senior page sake, i have to stay back tomorrow to go shop for the buchetta ingredients. There goes another week.

Hari Koperasi!!!

As you can read, yesterday(monday) was Hari Koperasi for my school. So i as a member of our school koperasi, had to form a team of 4 and sell food or drinks. It was crazy for me.. gosh i don't know how to say. haha. Anyway, all koperasi members are required to participate and there were about 11 groups selling food, drinks and there were even games.

Food and drinks that were on sales :
*pizza
*sushi
*buchetta (sounds familiar?)
*fries
*frizzy longan
*spaghetti
*bubble tea
*hotdog
*jelly
*ice cream
*mushroom soup....and many more

How did it go?My group, sold buchetta and fries. I was quite excited as i was introducing a new food to be sold rather than the boring old sushi, pizza etc. As no other of my friends in my group know how to prepare buchetta, i had to do all the work (and i rather do all the work...at that time.) Anyway, i brought my oven, extension cords with the rest of the ingredients to school. Everything was prepared and just needed to be baked in the oven. Cut the nonsense and after assembly, we set up our stall. each group were given 4 tables. We set up our table at the nearest plug point that can be found but to our horror, the plug for the whole block B can't function. As we are not the only group using electronics, we all worked together to search for other plug points and luckily block A's was functioning, so we shifted our stall to the opposite side which is nearer to block A and plug everything in and we are ready to go! I placed my ingredients on the table and pre-heat my oven and i was already doing my buchetta. I had to go solo as my team members don't know what to do plus they were also busy frying the fries ( we do everything on the spot so its hot and fresh =D). Soon people were coming down to see whats for sale. At first students came and ask what were we selling, i told them ''buchetta, something new but delicious'' and of course they'll ask how much is it so i said '' 2 for RM1.80'' (not that expensive right?). Their reply was walk away..........When that start to happen, i don't feel confident in selling off all the buchetta's and was thinking of lowering the price but then my team said no and wait. So ok, i wait and continue baking. Slowly, one person came and buy, then two, then more came, soon i had so many orders that i can't even handle. Some booked 2,4,8...gosh i was going crazy. I tried to do it as fast as i can. Even as i was busy and 'stressing' up, i was happy that people love the buchetta. hahaha coz' i had comments like '' Carmille, i thought i don't have to say this but....i want more''..muahahaha...ahh the satisfaction.haha..while some, when i asked them ''nice?'', they wanted to say no but they expression gave way and finally they said ''yes, it was delicious''..hahahhaha..another point to Carmille!!! wee!!! I couldn't satisfy everyone as i messed up some orders and those who ordered 4 or 8 buchetta's, at the end i only can give them 2 while some (my teacher who ordered) can't even get to taste it. I felt so sorry for them.So i told them to come back in the afternoon as we will be selling again during the afternoon session recess time.

Honestly i was tired and reluctant to stay back for another session of selling but i still had to. We didn't have much time to prepare actually as we finished school at 1.10 and the afternoon session recess time was 3.30. I told my team that we should straight away buy the ingredients and start preparing but they were being sweet talked by the guys to go and eat the delicious pork noodle and end up i was the only one saying we should go buy the ingredients rather than eating lunch as it'll waste more time, in the end, i had to give in and follow them for lunch. The pork noodle was really good (i told my dad and he say it must be the ajinomoto..hahaha) but by the time we walked to carefour to buy our ingredients, it was already 2.50. By the time we rushed back to my friend house which was near school, it was already 3.15. I don't know why but i keep having this negative attitude and wanting to give up but thank God for my friends, they keep saying we can do it, everything will be fine. We worked together, cutting the bread, cheese and preparing the meat. Everything was done quite fast but it was already 3.45. Luckily my friends know how to bake the buchetta and 2 of my teammates went back to school first to start selling as i was rather not in the mood to sell anymore (no confidence) plus i was tired. I packed up whatever left that was needed to bring to school and start walking there. I had to walk a few roads before reaching school plus i was tired but thank God i met a schoolmate as he was going to pump petrol for his car so he dropped me at school. Once i reached the stall, i could'nt believe that so many people were crowding at our stall to buy and they did not care about the price at all (unlike the morning sessions) and i was surprise to see my class teacher helping out.haha..so pai seh leh. After everything was done, my class teacher finally got her order and we packed everything, clean up the place and went back to my friend house as my stuff was there.

There you go, a day of crazyness for me. There are pics too but will post them later.

Schools back

Yes!!! Internet explorer is finally working again! haha. so happy =D but firefox, safari and flock cannot work, weird, does is mean its high time to change comp? *big grin* hahaha. Its ok, i think i'll still wait for my new laptop next year, not that long away. muahaha. Anyway, i want to say sorry for the weird past 2 post. Staying up late really can make one think even more. haha. or maybe its something i've been wanting to say out....

So school's finally started, but this first week of our second semester, we did not study much as students were preparing for Hari Sukan tommorow, Saturday at MPSJ. I don't know whether i want to go or not because i scared it might be boring and a waste of time as i'm not participating in anything but then its my last year in high school! Anyway my exam results, definately could be better, i could have done better if given more time, careless mistakes yadda yadda yadda.....lots of excuse. Whats done is done, keep grumbling and making such a big fuss about it won't change anything. Now have to focus on my weakness and improve. Easier said than done. sigh. i'm not saying i am satisfied with my results as its too average for my parents to accept (or isit that is just what I think about them). I haven't told them yet about my results, will have to soon or when they start asking, i'll get lots of nagging.

That reminds me, i know that people always say ''Don't judge a book by its cover'' as ''Dont judge a person by his/her look'' but then what if someone decide to do something when the bible says we can't for example getting a tattoo as in permanent tattoo. I am disappointed at myself as i could not stop a friend from getting a tattoo, who happens to be a believer and quite a spiritual person, or did i judge him too soon. If i could have said something more at that time...but i was just so lost at speech, shock that he want to get a tattoo on that day itself, already with his money ready and approval from parents. What disappointed me more is that he said he 'consulted' his church leader and they gave the green light for him to get a tattoo......*jaw drop*.... I asked him what he planned to tattoo, he said_____ which signifies freedom. First thing that went through my mind was ''WHAT?!?!?" but i was just too speechless to say anything ( which i later regretted). Ok, maybe you guys might say ''freedom'' is quite general but then......haih....i also don't know la.......

last day of my holidays

Another day of staying up. Somehow i feel that i won't have the chance to enjoy this peaceful night anytime soon which is why i am taking the opportunity.

I don't want to grow up!!! I want to stay in high school, don't have to step into the scary world, don't have to......but we'll have to move on in life anyway. Time never stop ticking. We'll have to learn to overcome worldly stuff? Learn how to stand firm on what we believe in and not give into temptations. Its not easy, it never is, everybody says its a demanding, scary world out there, be prepared. Gosh, i suddenly feel so small, where i would get pushed around by people, feeling inferior. All these thoughts, feeling small, useless, inferior i think its all a psycologycal thing, it is MR. S.A.Tan who wants us to feel right? To bring us down, make us feel vulnerable.

As i was chatting with a friend earlier, many times we keep finding excuses for ourself, always adding "but" in every sentence. Maybe not all of you but some including me. I guess what you said was right, as we grow, we think more and our little brain start complicating things because we think too much!!! This attitude have to change but...i hate it when i keep having ''but's'' in my sentence. haih... like another friend of mine said, "if you always find excuse for yourself, you will always give excuse and never change. Its all depend on you whether you want to change or not. If you really do want to change, you will not find excuse for yourself." To say i want to change my attitude, it is not easy. In other words, its easier said than done. Playing safe is ok wat. but i guess playing safe won't get us far.

Everything in life comes in pairs. Before you can succeed, you must know what is failure ; to know what is love, pleasure, you must know what is pain ; to improve and learn, you must learn to make mistakes.

Ok, my brain is freezing up now. I can't think anymore. Can't continue my entry, each time trying to write another sentence, my head hurts. Its either i'm thinking too much thats why or i need my rest. This entry is definately very messy. haha. Anyway i hope you'll get my message?? through such short entry. Its better to have written something rather than none.

A Peaceful time to write and think

I'm so sorry my fellow friends who have been constantly checking my blog for an update but still no update. I've not been online for more than a month actually. Before that, my computer is still working fine, its just that i choose not to online as i do not want to waste my time going online for i know that each time i go online, my butt won't move from the chair for at least 2 hours. So i rather choose not to go online and try to study or get enough rest and also minimize my tv time, plus exam coming thats why.

Anyway, after the exam, i thought i can finally go online but it seems that my computer has been attacked by virus or something like that so my dad took it to the shop to be repaired. More than 5 days of waiting for the computer to be taken back from the shop and when its finally back, my sister and dad was ''competing'' to use the computer so i though just let them use and i'll be able to use it tomorrow. Well then, i did not know what went wrong, the next day, it seems that internet explorer cannot go into the web. It keep appearing ''cannot find server''. Ok so i thought maybe its the server problem but for the next few days i still couldn't go online. At first it did not affect me so much but as time goes by, especially during the holidays, where i dont' have much to do at home, i tried studying alone but wasn't that successful, i studied with a friend but it felt as though i achieved very little. My handphone was awfully quiet, i did message some friends but i felt myself acting desperate so i stop. I miss chatting on msn, i miss chatting with my friends and going ''wild'' with them. Somehow i needed attention. I guess i was lonely, i felt lonely, i was desperate for attention from my friends but i do not know how to start a conversation with them, and for some, i know they are going through some tough time, i just didn't know what to say just to start a conversation or to comfort them as i am not good at that.

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As i am sitting here thinking, i think we have to make a habit of saying ''i love you'' more. One of my friend did said this to me, which is true, people nowadays tend to not say i love you to each other anymore even to their parents, they only use i love you as an expression for their lover, couple etc. Why did i suddenly bring this up? Maybe its because i can't stand the fact where people take this 3 words as something only to be said to their special someone. When we say it to our normal friends, some would be so shocked and some will start teasing. Have you felt like saying the 3 words out just to your friend when there is nothing else to say but that but you're also afraid on how they would react? I do, plenty of times where i just felt like screaming it out, just felt like telling them i am here for you, i love you, you are not alone. I just feel like showing love for a brother and sister who is in need of, i am sure everyone longs to hear someone saying i love you to them because it just brings the warmth back to the heart. It does for me.

Having to realised that someone i hold close to my heart is going to move to another country, eventhough its down south, not that far from where we originally are but still its not the same as having him here with us, among us. This special someone whom i admire so much( your determination), whom had taught me so much since the day i knew him( your strenght to go on) and someone whom i looked up to( your passion, your fire for God). He's someone whom i have come to care for and learned to love dearly even though i never knew how to express my care most of the time, i would just feel for his cries and struggles. The fellowship, the laughters we shared, the fun we had together, it ( christmas musical, youth camp,..) will be something which i treasure and will not trade anything for it. I love you!!! and will miss you so so dearly.

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To many, I might not be an expressive person. To some, I am quiet, while to others I am noisy. I don't express myself well because i am afraid. Afraid of what you ask, well i guess i am afraid of alot of things. I am afraid of making mistakes, afraid of being humiliated, afraid of being looked down, afraid of failure. But that is something i must learn, i have to learn to not be afraid to learn. I have been told alot of times to not be afraid of making mistakes, as failure is the mother of sucess but it is not easy. I guess you can say i have a big ego.
One close friend said this to me : ''Carmille, you portray yourself from the outside as a strong, tough girl which i am sure can stand on your own 2 feet but inside, you're just a girl who wants to be loved but you are also cautious on who you allow to get close to you.'' Boom! ok that struck me from a different angle.

These few words after been told about it, it keep popping up in my head '' I should not be a loner'', '' Its ok to have friends''. I am quite a loner and quiet person actually. Most of my close friends don't believe that when i tell them because my close friends usually see me bubbly and always laughing. But did you noticed I usually join in other people conversations than starting one myself, otherwise i'll just listen to others talk. "Its ok to have friends" yes i have friends but do i allow them to get close to me? I treasure my friendship alot. I don't just tell someone about my problems, my struggles. for me, true friendship must be earned and it takes a long time to mold and bond to be a strong friendship but i don't believe that all strong friendship last forever. I can't believe i am saying this. I believe and i want a friendship which will last forever where we will always be in contact, keeping in track with each other's life but somehow it seems far and hard to achieve. I guess its because of the 'hurts' i've been through with some of my closest friends. Somehow as time goes by, we tend to move on and have our new 'sets' of best friends. That is when our old best friends are forgotten. I still treasure the time I had with my best friends, i enjoyed every moment of it. But when we do have the time to met up and talk or even through msn or sms, it just seems as though we're of 2 different world whereby once we used to be inseparable.

I just realised something, i have to admit that i don't recover from hurts fast, i take a long time to heal and the healing process stings. And i guess this is why i don't easily allow someone to get close to me, to avoid being hurt deeply again. I still do long for this love and trust upon someone. I do have my 2 close friends but i though we were closer last time compare to now. And it seems as though history is repeating itself. By the time we are all furthering our studies, we will end up loosing contact of each other, talking less to one another, sharing lesser with one another. Hah, I could guess someone would say,''this is why blog is created, to let us know what is going on in our life.'' Still, its not the same as talking face to face. But yeah there's still the time and place factor.....

Do i think of consequences too much? Maybe i do, which is why i am a loner, i am not proactive because i am afraid. Gosh, i really have to change.

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Wow! I can't believe its 6.40 am. Haha. I decided to stay up till morning because i want to enjoy the night peace being alone writing my entry without worrying about anyone disturbing. I can only write when my parents are asleep or they are not around because i like and i want my privacy. And it is also why i don't update my blog often. Because i take a long time writing one entry and everytime before i can finish an entry, i would be interrupted which can be quite annoying. And no, i did not start writing this entry since 12am. Yes i did mention i take a long time to write an entry but not that long. Anyway this entry took 2 and a half hours plus plus( yes go ahead, get shock on why i take so long writing such a short entry)......xD

Anyway, I just want to give a shout out of THANK YOU to Leon and Wen Cheang for helping to fix my computer. If it wasn't for them, i wouldn't be able to update my blog and i wouldn't have enjoyed our little conversation over msn with a whole lot of other people. Like i said before, i missed you guys and i love you all!!!