Confession of a child's heart

These statements apply to me...and maybe some of you out there:

I want my family support no matter what I am going through.

I wish I can confide in my parents in every issues and problems I face in life.

Sadly this is not true. Why do I say so...

Well, firstly its through the 19 years living with my parents that I know how they will react to certain topics or things that I mentioned.

I will always use my relationship for example. Coz up till now, I don't know how to approach you to tell you about my relationship. From my past experience of you lecturing me and giving negative replies about me in a relationship, I don't know how to talk to you about it. For goodness sake, I'm turning 20 in one day time...when I don't tell you about my relationship and you found it out from others, you blame me for hiding it from you and start bringing everything up to me. E.g: Studies, past..

I know studies is important and I do realise that my degree cost a big sum and burden to the family finance but I am not stupid enough to get a relationship and throw my degree away. So by threatening me to stop studying and go out to work and just get married is quite discouraging and saddening and heart breaking for a child to hear from their own parents. If you're going to talk to me like that everytime(which you do for what I've observed) You will notice I have stop or seldom talk to you or tell you things.

Who is to blame then? Me for not being a responsible child for not informing things to you? You personally said this to me ''Don't you think its your responsibility to talk to us and tell us things?'' Yes it is my responsibility to inform you and tell you but don't you think you too have to talk to us in a nicer tone? and way? Certain things you say will put us off. Being angry will make me turn away coz I am afraid I admit, I am afraid of you when you get angry coz' you are my parents and you have the say to kick me out of the family if i cross the line. I respect you but i yearn for the courage and freedom to talk to you and share with you.

I hate it when I tell you things and you react, which causes both parties to not be happy.

You always ask me to analyze and think critically. I am trying to. I really am but my brain don't think like you do, I'm still young and learning and growing. Everybody is different. yes you've gone through alot and you definately know more than me which is why you advice me not to do this or that. But don't restrict me coz i'll dislike it more. Walk through things with me, this is what I am asking for.

You told me to start a blog, start reading, cultivate these habits. I don't mind telling you about my blog. I don't mind at all but I dislike the fact that you will question things about what I write. YES I KNOW that in life people will question you ,and i must learn to answer those questions...you tell me this all the time, but this is MY blog and this is how and what I express on. How would you react by reading this post? Honestly I don't know.

How am I to tell you things when you react by restricting me before I can further explain myself

Sometimes parents just need to learn to listen and put their ego aside. I too have my own ego, I too am sensitive which is why I cry. When Things are not resolved between parents and daughter, I'll turn to my partner. You give me love which i appreciate, he gives me a different kind of love and support. thus when I can't talk to you, I turn to him..when you are demanding i keep quiet coz answering your questions will bring more questions..Don't make me build thicker walls coz I hate to do so.

I want to prove to you that I want this degree for myself and my future, not to make you happy. I know you're keeping quiet now to see how I score for my first semester. But I am not perfect. If i dont do WELL, the whole cycle starts again.

Arrgghhh! NOTE TO SELF: STOP PUTTING UNNECESSARY STRESS UNTO SELF!!!!!

exclaimer: don't take it too personally.